The Road Not Taken

It's always the same, the day turns into sleep, sleep into a dream, the dream turns into a nightmare, and then the nightmare turns into reality.

And here I am again, the same as the day before, the same as the day yet to happen.

I wait for answers that will never come. Never because I am the answer, and at the same time, I'm also the question.

Is it better to try and fail, than to never try at all and spend the rest of your life wondering what would've happened if you had?

I spend all my hours calculating and gauging the people who have tried and succeeded, the ones who tried and failed, or the losers who never tried at all.

Is the last one me?

Yes.

I come to the same conclusion every time.

Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose.

It just all adds up to how much you're willing to gamble, so that when you're old and gray, you can look yourself in the mirror and say "Did I do the best I could?"

But I didn't. I gave my best shot and it wasn't good enough.

Not to me it wasn't.

I know what Hell is.

It's not lakes of burning oil, or brimstone and devils poking you in the ass with pitchforks.

Hell is not knowing.

The cerebral torture you put yourself through, wondering, questioning, pondering, your past decisions, over and over again, trying to decide if what you decided was the right choice.

If that's the case, I truly am in Hell.

Eternal Hell.

I'm plenty happy, aren't I?

Hah, who am I kidding?

Pictures of my past.

They spark images that bring back my life as the man I was.

And the choices I made, good or bad, right or wrong.

Live with it, Glen.

Childhood memories.

The boy I was.

The man I became.

All knowing.

But all wasted knowledge on a pitiful shell of a human.

Nothing more than a fucking ghost in a machine........